"Are you the right one? Cause I am about to have this "will" to do anything for (you)"

 “ They just never know that when I find the right MAN to be with, I am willing to do anything. Simply saying like: I am willing to stay at home and not even having intention to work at all”

Gue gak pernah suka gosip. Seriously, I would never waste my time for (cheap) gossip. Gue adalah penggemar cerita fakta dan cerita pengalaman. Biasanya sih cerita cinta temen-temen gue. Baik itu sekedar acquaintance atau temen-temen deket gue.

Menarik loh kalo dengerin pengalaman orang lain. Coba deh. Di jamin gak bakal bosen karena lo jadi banyak merefleksi pengalaman orang dan mengambil hikmahnya untuk diri sendiri.

Words up there were simply made when a friend of mine shared about her ex-boyfriend which I thought probably the one who took her heart apart. We were just having this random chit chat and suddenly she popped up with words telling how hurt she was regarding what her boyfriend did to her.

Kalimat di atas cukup menggelitik namun benar adanya. Tidak bermaksud untuk membawa masalah gender in a deep way, but realistically what kind of woman yang tidak mau sacrifice for the one she loves the most (in person)? (We’re not talking about God here). 

Mungkin gue gak akan menceritakan pengalaman temen gue plek-plekan di blog gue sendiri. Gue lebih kepengen nanggepin dan refleksi diri gue terkait kalimat yang diutarakan temen gue.

Bagi gue, I’ve come to the stage where my goal is finding a soulmate to live and to die with. I mean literally a husband. At the age of 21, I barely think about finding a handsome guy so I can invite him to go to parties with me and sort of ‘SHOW OFF’ in front of my friends telling how handsome and rich he is. Nah, definitely I am not one of those kinds of person (anymore). I’ve come to a stage where Love is about finding the right person for you to share, to pray with, to read Quran with, to do stupid things, to laugh for any simple things, to cook with, to shop with, to study with, to cry with and most likely to experience everything together. Not on your own anymore. You just have to be who you are and accept him like the way he is. The rest is your both choices to stay the same or to change.

Anyway, sebenernya gue bukan mau nanggepin itu. Yang di atas barusan adalah bagaimana gue menjelaskan tentang cinta. Sebenarnya yang pengen gue omongin adalah kenapa gue juga berpikiran yang sama dengan apa yang temen gue bilang.

“ They just never know that when I find the right MAN to be with, I am willing to do anything. Simply saying like: I am willing to stay at home and not even intend to work at all”

Wanita juga diciptakan untuk memiliki mimpi. Mereka juga boleh mewujudkan mimpi setinggi-tingginya. Gue sebagai wanita, juga memiliki hal yang sama. Mimpi gue adalah bekerja di UN Headquarters in Newyork. By that time, I will also have to become a clinical or social psychologist as well. Iya, iya, mungkin lo bilang kalo mimpi gue terlalu tinggi. But come on. This is a dream. And everyone should start achieving their goals by dreaming it first, right? At least, this is what I believe in.

Until this man came and showed up in front of me to fill my life..

We never know this man is a right person for me to be with or not. But, yes I feel it. Some people said, when someone could actually think about a future with her boyfriend, meaning that he is supposed to be the right person for her. And, yes, this is what I feel about this man. He came up in front of me, telling me with his excitement (I could see it from his face) about his dream. Yes, his dream to work in the service company. He wanted to work in the field or what so called ‘offshore’ (That’s so engineer thing. I seriously have no idea).  I was looking at him and wondering, “What if I break his heart? What if I break his dream?” Ah, I would never do that. I don’t know why.

Then suddenly, my brain and my heart got this BIG DISTORTION. Entah kenapa gue pun sekarang jadi bingung mimpi gue apa. Ntah kenapa gue rela untuk menunda mimpi gue hingga saat yang tepat dan berkarir sebagai istri atau ibu dari anak-anak yang Insya Allah ada nantinya. KENAPA DAN KENAPA?? Ntah kenapa, gue merasa, mimpi gue sekarang adalah mewujudkan mimpi calon suami gue. Ntah kenapa mimpi gue sekarang adalah melihat dia bahagia dengan apa yang ia capai. MENGAPA? Sejujurnya gue juga belum bisa menjelaskan ini secara logis. Tapi gue tau, gue bisa menjelaskan ini dengan satu kata. Hanya karena ‘cinta’. Ya, ‘cinta’ emang udah membuat gue mampu bertingkah laku tidak egois dan ngotot untuk mewujudkan mimpi-mimpi gue. Sampai saat ini gue masih bisa bilang kalo gue ingin menjadi sarjana psikologi dan magang di PBB Indonesia. Tapi, gue masih belum mampu mengatakan, ‘gue ingin menjadi psikolog handal dan bekerja di UN Headquarters, USA”. Gue belum mampu. Gimana gue bisa mampu kalau harus tinggal berjauhan dengan dia, orang yang aku cinta? Sampai saat ini belum. Dan, mungkin inilah yang membuat gue turut menyetujui apa yang telah dikatakan teman gue sebelumnya. Bukan hanya dia yang merasakan itu. Gue juga. Dan, mungkin masih banyak wanita diluar sana yang merasakan hal sama.

“Yes, I would do anything..”

BROKEN HEART

I know the days still have to go like it used to be.
I know that I have to move one.
I know I have to start where I was before I met him.
I know everything has changed and I have to struggle.
Though, it is hard.
And, I still feel the same. :)


I never stopped loving him. I just stopped showing him.

Being 20 isn't that bad, I reckon :)

I have never guessed that my 20th birthday would be the best day of my life. You probably ask why.

Well, first thing, my family wouldn’t be able to sit next to me while I blew the 31st of March candle.

Second thing, that week was an almost finished midterm exams which meant that there wouldn’t be too many people around at my faculty and that sucked to realized I almost had nobody that hug and shake my hand while wishing me a very happy birthday.

And the very last thing but not least, that also a pain to hear that Pahmi couldn’t even make to sing a happy birthday in front of me either.




Wow! Congratulations! Seemed that I would spend my special day alone in my room and wishing me a very happy birthday by myself (those rings from family and friends and some texts would be the exception, though).




Late 30 March 2010,

Me and thifa was playing around in my room waiting for Indah finished her assignments. At that time, we were going to go karaoke. The time was 09.00 pm. Yet, Indah said that it took another hour to finish her assignments Ok, meaning that we would go at 10.00 pm. I didn’t mind, but I was thinking that there wouldn’t be a surprise go for me in Nav because normally the surprise is held at home. Well, I was being tricked. The whole things I thought didn’t happen at all.

Well, we went to karaoke at 10.00pm until 12.am and suddenly a minute before we really finished singing….




THEY MADE A SURPRISE for my birthday!!

My friends and the one that I didn’t expect to come, Pahmi!!

I was really really surprised and I suddenly jumped like a little kid because I was really really happy.




Thank you everybody.:)

I even got two surprises. The one I got at 12.00 am and the next one I got in the afternoon with my amazing Pengmas and BEM’ers. :)


I learned one thing in my birthday,

I don’t know why it suddenly popped up in my brain.

I learned about gratitude of life. That everybody is given a different life and I have been surrounded by people who love me and I love.

And, I know I should be grateful to Allah for that.




Well, Being 20 isn’t that bad, I reckon. ;)







Thank you.

:(

Mau belajar, males..
Mau bergerak, males..
Mau makan, males..

MAU LO APA KIT? hahaha

love sucks for me. For you?

I am asking you through my heart.
I am looking you through my heart.

I see things are just right in front of me.
But, hang on! Is that you again? you again?
Hmmfh.. I've been dealing with you in my heart and in my cognitive process.
I cannot take it away.
argh, I hate you.
Just go away.
and, may you have your own life, dude.
But..
You just came over and over againnnn.


Do i love you? or I dont?
It just seems right for me. :(


love sucks.

The Gullible Girl, I am ;)

a short conversation with my host family a few years ago showed how gullible I was. Well, it was not only happened in the past, but also still happening until present,
Kitty : "Mum, today i went to the city. Then, i saw a man was sitting in the floor. I saw money beside him like 20 cent n 50 cents, then i gave him a dollar. Then, he was so happy!! He said THANKS a couple of times,,"
Mum : "Mmm,,kitty, why did u give him the money?”
Kitty : "coz, i was so sorry to see him. He might be so sad or something like that."
Luke : "kitty, u`re such a strange girl!! "

Ok. I didnt understand why they told me like that. Then,,

Kitty : "Then, Mum, when i was waiting for the trem in the city, someone came into me. She was like 25 years old or something like that. Then, she cried in front of me. She said that she didn’t have money to go home. Then, i asked her, "what’s wrong with u??". She said that she broke up with her boyfriend and her boyfriend took everything from her. I was so sad Mum. What about if i were her? Maybe, I’m gonna jump into the yarra river n kill myself there. I was so sad to hear her story. Then, i gave her $2. She was so happy. Then, i was so happy to. But,,"
Mum : "What happened next??"
Kitty : "she got me!!! I mean, she didn’t tell the truth. She`s a liar. WhenI saw her again, She was like this, "Man,, where is everyone?? I’m finished!!!" I couldn’t believe it, Mum!!! HUH!!! And, she took her phone out and called her friends! She had a mobile phone."
Luke : "yeah, Kitty! I know!! I told u before! U`re a gullible girl. U believe everything what everyone said to you. Then, you waste your money now! You’re so strange."
Kitty : "But,,but,, I was so sad to hear the story. I was so sorry to hear that, Luke!! Mum, do you agree with me?"
Mum : "Unfortunately I don’t, kitty! You dont have to give your money to the stranger. They bought drugs from your money."
Luke :"then, you go to jail. Coz, you gave your money to a stranger to buy drugs!! hihii,,"
Kitty : "ohh,,,shut up Luke! I’m not gonna go to jail coz that stupid things, anyway."
Mum : "Ok, kitty n Luke. Stop it,, now, kitty, please stop giving your money to stranger. Ok, dear??"
Kitty : "Alright mum,, but,,"
Luke : "just stop say "but,,," you waste your money, gullible girl,,,"

TWILIGHT

Ok, maybe I`m such a lay back person coz i just saw twilight the other day. I mean, yesterday actually. I have been really curious about the movie. How they actually were going to make it really neat, tidy, and awesome or not. But, the reality, when i saw it, i was a bit dissapointed. It wasn`t really presented like how I wanted. It was a bit rubbish i think. I didn`t really like the way they divided the scene to scene. Really weird. Everything seemed quick and quick. Well, besides, edward cullen is a pretty cool man. That`s all.
But, overall, i dont like the movie. I`d rather just reading the novel than watching it.

mann..

desperado holiday.

Yeah, i have been having this holiday for nearly a month.
And, since yesterday, i have no idea what to do on my own.
PLEASE!! GET ME OUT OF HERE AND ASK ME OUT! haha *not really ask me out on that way though. but, you know what i mean anyway.

huhu.
DESPERADO.

I started to like debating thingy more and more. :)

Today has been such an exhausting day but so much fun.
I have been through all this and i seriously had so much fun when i did it.
Well, what i just said is so blurry, so let me explain it clearly then. :)

So, today i had an english debating competition which is called Newbies Competition that is actually made for the "newbie" in a debate society. So, lots of university joined this competition which i thought it could`ve been around 70 people joined it.
There were UI, ITB, Atmajaya, Unpad, Unpar, UPH, and etc.

The aim of this competition is to get to know the debate world more and to get to know who`s actually in it. But, the people who actually can join it is just for the university student who are actually new in debating thingy. But, it doesn't mean that they all new. Cos, i found heaps of them that has ever done debating in their senior high school life. So, it`s kinda not very new for them.

So, in this debate, we will do 5 times of debating and we`ll collect the point to go to the final. The highest number 1 and 2 who collect the point will go to the final.

So, yeah today i have debated 3 motions which means that i have to debate 2 more motions tomorrow. And, if i`m lucky, my team will go to the final which means that i have to do 3 debates for tomorrow.

Today was so exhausting. First thing is, i am such a really NEWBIE in the debating life. And, seriously today was my first competition. Well, before i joined this competition, i cried so many times and so stressed out about this. I've even thought that i`d better just do speech competition and news casting competition rather than do debating.
But, i found it just now, that debating is actually so much fun to do. U must have a critical thinking and have a logic to debate your opponent and explain ur case clearly. :)

Today on the first debate, my team won it. The motion was "This house would legalize prostitution". I was in the affirmative side and i was the second speaker which means that i have to practically explain the case and REBUTT my opponent. This first motion was the impromptu motion which kinda philosophical motion. Our goal is to make the prostitution as a legal job in this country. Can you imagine that? We actually have to refer to lots of things. "This and that.. what happens if we do this? it is going to be like that? or this?"
Some kinda like that, and it was so much fun.


The second debate, we LOST! The motion was "This house levy high tax on cigarettes"

OMG IT SUCKED!
i dont know anything about it.
I sucked at it and my debate was too messy and i didnt even spend at least 6 minutes! I just spent 2.59 minutes to talk about high tax thingy on cigarettes!
i hated my second debating! i was too bad and too nervous. I was in the NEGATIVE HOUSE which means that i didnt want the government to levy high taxes on cigarettes. What the hell was i doing then? The affirmative actually had a really good argument which was kinda hard to attack`em! arggh.
but, it was ok.
I kinda have this excuse that "i am still a newbie" though.
hahaha :D

My third debate was so much better. The motion was "This house make sex education compulsory at schools". We were in the affirmative side of the house. We won it actually. I actually found that my 3rd experience in debating was even better. I could talk clearly and even explained it better. (is that because i`ve done it 3 times or because i actually knew the motion very well? haha, because i sucked at the 2nd motion which i didn`t know anything about) haha. :D

So, yeah, after having 3 times of debating, i kinda made a conclusion that our
adjudicators wanted our team to improve the elaboration cos it was too lack and we had to analyze the problem more. Well done UI A! GOOD JOB FOR TODAY ACTUALLY! WE ENJOYED IT ANYWAY! :)

WISH US LUCK FOR TOMORROW!

Insya Allah.
Amin.


Love always,
kitty
xo

Indonesia. Masihkah ada yang peduli?

Baru – baru ini, gue ikut pelatihan kepemimpinan mahasiswa di Fakultas Psikologi, Universitas Indonesia. Pelatihan ini mengajarkan bagaimana menjadi pemimpin dan penerus bangsa yang baik di masa depan. Lalu, pelatihan itu juga menggambarkan bagaimana keadaan bangsa Indonesia belakangan ini yang membuat hati gue miris banget. Misalnya, sumber daya alam Indonesia yang banyak disia-siakan dan di tangani oleh bangsa lain, rakyat Indonesia yang hanya bisa menjadi buruh untuk brand-brand ternama milik negara dan hal lainnya yang membuat gue pengen nangis. Gue bener-bener ngerasa belum ada yang dapat gue persembahkan untuk bangsa ini. Gue inget, dulu pas gue di tatar sebelum berangkat AFS, gue juga dapet banyak banget pelatihan kepemimpinan duta bangsa yang banyak memberikan gambaran – gambaran tentang Indonesia yang dapat gue berikan ke negara lain. Jujur aja, gue belum bisa memberikan yang bener-bener berarti buat temen-temen dan keluarga host gue di Australia. Gue cuma memberikan kepercayaan kepada mereka bahwa negara Indonesia bukan seperti negara yang mereka lihat di televisi, yang gempar banget dibicarakan di media sana. Alhamdulillah, gue berhasil memberikan kepercayaan itu. Terbukti ketika the last time I was there, my host family said,”Kitty, u`ve proven that indonesia isn’t like what the media always say, u`ve proven us how muslim could make friends and be nice to everyone, and u`ve also proven us that Indonesian has a high self-esteem who can prove that Indonesian will be Indonesian, they won`t change.”

Gue seneng. Setidaknya, kepercayaan itu udah ada di hati mereka. Dan, hal lainnya adalah ketika temen gue, Brett, ngomong sama gue by phone pas gue udah balik ke Indonesia. Dia bilang kalo dia baru aja dapet kelas Hubungan Internasional. Saat itu, topiknya adalah Indonesia. He told me that he debated his teacher when the teacher told the student that lots of people who live in Indonesia are terrorists. He got really offended. Then he said, “It doesn’t mean that if you`re Indonesian, you`re a terrorist, it`s just stupid people who did the whole things of terrorism and also muslim are not terrorist, it`s just bad people who did the stupid things like we`ve known before.” The teacher was so surprised to hear what he said.

Gue bener-bener terima kasih banget ke dia dan gue seneng, apa yang gue lakukan, ternyata emang gak pernah meninggalkan bad impression pada keluarga dan temen2 gue di sana.

Tapi, semakin gue berpikir jauh, apa lagi yang bisa gue lakukan untuk bangsa ini? Saat ini gue mahasiswa. GUE MAHASISWA. Bukankah sudah cukup jelas bahwa seorang mahasiswa adalah penerus negaranya yang memiliki andil untuk memperjuangkan bangsa ini?Jadi sebenernya apa yang bisa gue lakukan untuk bangsa ini?

Gue tahu, sebagian mahasiswa turun ke jalan untuk memperjuangkan hak – hak rakyat. Tapi, gue belum siap. Gue belum bisa melakukan itu. Gue belum terlalu memiliki cukup pengetahuan tentang politik dan ekonomi untuk turun ke jalan. Gue belum begitu mengerti tentang struktur pemerintahan dan bursa-bursa saham dunia yang dapat mempengaruhi kesejahteraan Indonesia sehingga gue mesti turun ke jalan.

Gue sering berpikir bahwa kalau gue belum mampu turun ke jalan, apa ada cara lain yang bisa gue lakukan untuk Indonesia ini? Selama hampir 4 bulan gue menjadi mahasiswa, gue pernah berpikir,”apakah hal – hal kecil seperti belajar dengan baik sebagai pelajar dan tetap saling menghormati dan menyayangi adalah salah satu cara untuk menolong bangsa Indonesia bisa lebih maju? Atau yang paling simpel adalah buang sampah sembarangan. Apakah hal itu dapat menolong untuk Indonesia untuk lebih maju?”

Hal – hal kecil seperti itu sering terlintas di otak gue. Gue merasa sebenernya keinginan Indonesia untuk maju sudah ada secara general. Tapi, untuk lebih spesifik, belum ada. Maksud gue, kesadaran bangsa itu sendiri. Bangsa kita masih belum memiliki rasa cinta yang mendalam kepada BANGSAnya sendiri. Masih terlalu egois. Masih terlalu memikirkan urusan pribadi. Sayang, padahal Indonesia memiliki banyak gono-gini yang dapat menunjang negara ini untuk menjadi yang terdepan. Tapi, intinya itu, kita masih egois sekali. Masih sedikit pejuang-pejuang yang menginginkan kemajuan bangsa ini. Masih sedikit yang peduli dengan keadaan bangsa ini. Masih sedikit yang belajar untuk mencintai bangsa ini. Jadi, bagaimana kita bisa maju?

Maaf gue jadi rada berapi-api dan rada gak nyambung. Tapi intinya sih, gue sebagai mahasiswa hanya ingin menyampaikan aspirasi gue tentang keinginan gue untuk memajukan bangsa ini dengan cara gue sendiri. Gue hanya berharap MASIH ada orang terketuk hatinya ketika membaca tulisan gue ini. Gue hanya berharap bahwa banyak orang – orang di luar sana yang MASIH memiliki hati nurani untuk peduli kepada bangsa ini, peduli pada orang di sekitar mereka, dan masih peduli pada hal – hal kecil yang ada di sekitar mereka pada saat ini.

Kitty 

Just an ordinary student in university in an extraordinary life.